That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
