She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize