Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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