I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
