between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
