260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize