Pappa wants mamma naked
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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