Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
