so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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