If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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