No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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