I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I party with great urgency now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
