Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
