i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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