Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
