I'm eating all of the evidence.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
