How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize