okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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