A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize