I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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