The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
