So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You were trust falling into bushes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
