Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
