we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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