why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
