I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
