feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
