how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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