i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
