Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
