sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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