never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
