Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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