wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't deserve a penis
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had sex on a roof
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
