just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
