You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
