This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize