Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
