Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
