The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
