he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
