I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
a search helicopter?!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
