He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
