I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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