Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
