How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
