So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
