3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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