I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
