there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
