i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize