my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
