The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize