With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
