so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
