I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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