I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
