My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Holy sore nipples Batman
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
