real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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