I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
