do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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