and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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