you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
