You just made me feel so damn special
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
