Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize