I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
