cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
