May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
