went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
