Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
