she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
