Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
