Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just gargled with NyQuil
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
