Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
