I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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