My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
